My dA Story

Might as well, before it hits midnight. (Sorry this is kinda last minute, I just got back from Guardians of the Galaxy)

Up front warning, this will have some foul language, since I'm in no mood for sugar-coating. So I apologize for anyone who might get upset from it. 

From the very beginning, I have loved drawing. I would draw whatever came to my mind; I would even make small comics with my older brother when I was around seven years old. After a while, however, I kind of just fell out of it a bit. I would still sketch and doodle a bit; random little stories with no meaning, little fan arts, etc. With all of the stress from constantly moving to different places, and having a very poor academic record because of it, drawing things really helped me vent quite a bit.

I would occasionally get remarks that my drawings were a little too gory, or disturbing, since I loved drawing battle scenes and monsters. After some misplaced concern for my sanity, I decided "fuck it" and just stopped drawing around others. I was even convinced at one point that violent media would turn me into a deranged psychopath. 

However, what really got me back into drawing was watching a few anime (which I obviously had little understanding about at the time). Inuyasha and SonicX specifically got me back into regular sketching, since I loved their styles so damn much. After a while, I got inspiration from games, television, and books, going so far as to actually start designing original stories. Considering that fact that English was my greatest skill at the time, I figured I could easily create a story and slap some art on there. (Needless to say, that was shit thinking and didn't end well). 

After moving for what seemed to be the final time, I shifted from drawing to writing, trying to focus on poetry and stories. Although they were fairly well received by my classmates and teachers, I often considered them sub par. After a while, I got back into anime, and aspired to create something so admirable; animation, art style, cool stories, I wanted to create all of that stuff. But I was (and still am) very easily frustrated when things wouldn't go right. You'd think it'd be as easy as just chilling the fuck out, but I just couldn't at the time. I was so damn angry with how my drawings would turn out, I'd utterly destroy them. I don't mean just throw away, I would fucking burn the shit to pure ash. 

Something happened, shortly after. I found an artist on youtube whose style, and content, I greatly admired. Although I'm certain I annoyed him shitless with my admiration, I still wanted to see more of his style. After finding his deviantart account (which I will keep secret due to his fetish work) I found that a lot of his drawings were blocked due to mature content (mostly due to violence). Wanting to hold off the monotony of my life, I decided to get a deviantart account myself, and browse what this site had to offer. After almost a year of just sitting around, I decided to try to sketch something out. Because I was stuck with a mouse and the unimpressive dA muro, I decided to stick with traditional drawings. HOWEVER, I also found that I lacked the proper materials to upload semi-decent photos of said traditional drawings. 

After some tinkering around with the tools, I decided to trace my traditional drawings with muro. Despite its poor quality, I was initially somewhat pleased with my first submission. At least, for a few days. 


Afterwards, I continued to experiment with the tools on dAmuro, eventually settling for digital art, and drawing far less traditionally. Drawing after drawing, I was always disappointed and, frankly, disgusted with their quality, despite whatever "positive" comments I left about them. To this day, I still cannot stand what I produce. 
Still, I can tell I'm improving, and seeing how the artists I admire have been drawing for almost, if not more than, a decade, I can only grit my teeth and grudgingly press forth, doing what I can to achieve the style I want. Drives me absolutely fucking batshit that I can't draw half of the things I want to, but the fact I've made it this far without ripping (most) of my hair out says something. I think.

Although I remain incredibly disheartened, I still strive forward, trying to actually produce something that doesn't make me feel the need to vomit. However, had it not been for deviantart, I wouldn't know so many of the cool people I do; I never would have found how passionate about art I really was, and I likely would not have any clue how to draw, since I rely somewhat on the very helpful tutorials I find. 

So all I can really say is;
Thank you so much for the love and memories, deviantart. I wouldn't be here without you.

Happy birthday, you glorious bastard of a website.